Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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