Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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