I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
