This is not my ceiling
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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