We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
