Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
