Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
