I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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