people are starting to question the shark bite story
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
