I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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