GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
