i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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