i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
