a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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