Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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