Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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