so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
