The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
