You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
