I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
