I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
