My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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