Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
