just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
