My first STD was from a foam party
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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