I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
