I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
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I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.