You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life