It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30