I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.