i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
