fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
