oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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