Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
