i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
