Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
