my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now