sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.