you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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