ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant