Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much