Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.