I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
