I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cockslap morals
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
