Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
