ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
