i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
