i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
