People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
