Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
