Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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