you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
