can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Boobs speak an international language.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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