I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
