i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize