Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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