My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
