the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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