But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
