just tell him i said nine months
my shit smells like andre
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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