He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
