You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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