remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
