my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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