there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
