mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
