Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
