Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sponge bath it is.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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