mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
